I’ve read a lot of screenplays written by people who want to break into Hollywood, and most of them are memorable in some way. The most unforgettable character description I ever read was by a guy whose name I can’t recall, but the line is as clear in my head as it was one second after I read it:

“She is extra-beautiful, due to her extra-large breasts.”

Hey…he said “breasts.” Think of all the other words he might have used instead.

I was reminded of the line on Sunday morning, when I flipped through a department store flyer and happened upon the women’s underwear page. One of the items was described as the “daisy fuentes® Extreme Lace push-up bra,” which made me wonder what the extreme part was. Push-up? Lace? Daisy Fuentes?

At any rate, the model didn’t appear all that extreme to me. Certainly the guy who wrote the line above wouldn’t cast her—or any woman built like her—to be in his movie. Which is okay by me, since I’d like an actress who looks like this model to be available to play Lara when the Fast Lane movie comes out.

That’s right—size can matter to men, too. But “size” doesn’t necessarily mean “bigger.” It’s a neutral term, and some guys appreciate the axiom “less is more.”

When I suggested this to one woman in particular, she quipped, “They say love is blind,” then added, “but if it is, why do they sell lingerie?” To which I replied, “Because lust has 20/20 vision.”

If not X-ray vision.

Either way, with apologies to Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart, I may not always be able to describe hot, but I know it when I see it.

Same goes for the guy who wrote the “extra-beautiful” line. And for Dr. Love, himself, Kiss bassist Gene Simmons, who told the Discovery Channel show Biography that women should stop worrying about their thighs and their breasts and their hair.

“What we want is what you have,” he said, looking directly into the camera. “All we ask is that you give us some of it every once in a while.”

Here’s another axiom: Extra-beautiful’s in the eye of the beholder. And, believe me, there’s always somebody looking.

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