My apologies to Kirk Farber for promising him this post would be about tits. Circumstances demand it focus on ass instead.

Research follows me wherever I go. I got a catalog from, “the Official Catalog of the National Football League.” Not expecting to see anything even vaguely girly, I was delighted when I turned to page 52 to find:

The Reebok Women’s Super Soft Thong
65% polyester, 35% cotton knit.
Sizes S-XL.

Unfortunately, while models are shown wearing various types of fleece wear, this particular item is pictured lying benignly flat against a blank background. So that’s a little disappointing. Judging by what female comics say in Comedy Central half-hours, I’m guessing they had a hard time getting a model to put it on. Then again, judging by what I saw a few rows in front of me at Wrigley Field a few summers ago, maybe they were just asking the wrong people.

But, who would buy this thing? Dudes thinking they’re being romantic? Women with a sense of humor? Women who are really big fans of the game?

The front of the thong in the catalog features an Indianapolis Colts logo. Would a woman wear this thing while watching a game, all the while contemplating the possibility of Payton Manning going deep?

The mind boggles. However, it did give me an idea for Fast Lane: One of Clay’s enterprises should be an online store where dudes can buy stuff for their ladies.

So, ladies…what should be for sale in that online store?

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