Romance novels and other fiction aimed at primarily women sometimes use phrases that turn English into a second language for me. And I’m not talking about clothes or shoes here.

First, there’s the idea that feeling someone’s weight on top of you is particularly arousing. The second is wanting to have someone else “inside” you.

I come to Fast Lane with some points of reference about the first notion, only from the other side. For instance, I recall a buddy describing a night of passion with a particular woman, and what remains vivid thirty years later is what he said about how she felt underneath him. So vivid, that my mind still has no trouble photoshopping myself into his place. (No trouble at all.)

I’m all for having human flesh pressing down on me from above. It’s just not something that regularly wends its way into my fantasies. I don’t remember ever thinking, “I long to feel the weight of her body on mine.”

Another way to describe it comes from—I swear—a newspaper column that referred to “nail-her-to-the-mattress sex.” Google didn’t help me identify the source, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Dan Savage. Or Cal Thomas. I’m guessing maybe Kathleen Parker or Maureen Dowd. I suppose I could have jotted down a note at the time, but I seem to have had no difficulty remembering the important parts. That image will stick with me until three weeks after the end of the world.

At any rate, I get the idea of wanting to feel someone’s weight on top of you. It translates just fine from Chickish into Guyese.

That other one, though, I’m going to have to take on faith.

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