Right for the job

The link said “Porn star who became teacher denied job,” so I had to check out the article about how California middle-school science teacher Stacie Halas, who was fired after students learned she had appeared in pornographic movies as Tiffany 6, had hoped “not just to get her job back, but to set a precedent for people looking to escape an embarrassing personal history.”

Which made me wonder: Does having been a “porn star” constitute “an embarrassing personal history?”

In the United States of America?

In 2013?

When soccer moms are reading Fifty Shades Grey in the minivan while waiting for practice to end?

Having seen Avenue Q, I suspected that the Internet might have a thing or two on the subject of porn—and, boy, was that a good guess. I couldn’t find a major university study on the embarassingness of former careers, but I did find an article at Details.com categorized thus:


It opens with a vignette about Ryder Sky and her husband, Bill, celebrating their third anniversary, the morning after which she heads off to an office where she performs a variety of “jobs” and it’s not harassment when her boss asks her if she “ever does anal.”

What bothers Bill is that while his “wife spends eight hours a day getting plowed by guys with nicknames like Thug of Porn,” he’s penciled into her sexual schedule because, when she gets home, she’s got…well, not a headache.

Sex with Sky is vanilla, he says. And he doesn’t even get to brag to the boys, because Sky won’t admit to anyone that she’s married; she’s afraid she’ll “be typecast as a MILF.”

But, get this: Bill not only “watches Sky’s movies religiously,” he also “posts positive sentiments on porn sites, occasionally attacking critics.”

Now, that is a man who supports his wife’s dreams.

“I don’t look at it as sex,” he says. “I look at it as a guy with his dick in my wife, but they’re working and it’s not emotional.”

Then there’s Ryan Brown and wife Kelly Skyline. Whenever she sends him a text that says she’s “been ripped”—which is to say that a partner’s oversize penis tore her vagina—he knows he’ll be getting none of that for at least a few days. But he’s also the one to mix up the Epsom-salt baths that help her heal faster.

She’s well aware of the give-and-take required to make a relationship work, though. “Girlfriends of mine call and say that they want to come by for a swim,” Skyline says. “I say, ‘Yeah, it’s okay. You can fuck him.'”

The article comes back to my original point with Rusty, an L.A. bouncer who doesn’t mind what his porn actress wife, Mikayla Mendez, lists on her resume as much as the prospect of having to contend with soccer moms when the couple’s three-year-old son starts school. Rusty says he’ll man up and “run interference…playing Mr. Mom and interacting with the parents.”

Interacting with the administration might be a bigger problem. The school district in Oxnard can’t handle having a middle-school science teacher who appeared in a few pornos seven or eight years ago. What will they think a few miles to the west when a room mother dishes out Rice Krispy treats before dashing off to film a wall-to-wall DP orgy scene with full-nelson climax?*

Hey, the couple could remind everyone that unlike half the parents in the school, they’re still living under the same roof.

But worry about how this episode of their lives might look down the road to judgmental eyes? Should they even have to do that?

“My feeling is, if she does it, cool,” Ryan Brown told Details.com. “It’s not a big deal either way. But once you start, you can’t undo it.”

L.A. bouncers one, Oxnard educators zero.

* I’m not sure what it means, either. Look it up at Las Vegas Weekly.com.

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