On top of things

I have spent time in these pages addressing the body-image concerns of women by putting forth the notion that if you’ve got a body, there’s a man out there who likes its image.

Or maybe a million men.

I have specifically noted that there were an ample number of sexy Halloween costume options for women curvaceous in nature, and no shortage of men drawn to women petite in stature. Oddly, I have overlooked the one set of assets with which all men are supposedly obsessed. It’s odd because Palm Springs Heat’s heroine, Lara, is not, shall we say, bursting the buttons of her blouses.

I don’t really make a big deal of it in the book. But it’s pretty clear in this passage near the end, where Lara confronts her scumbag ex while he’s hot-tubbing with two silicone sisters:

“No, really. Something’s different. Did you…” Kyle raised his eyebrows and cupped his hands on his chest.
“That’s right, Kyle,” Lara said, “I got a boob job. They’re all over the place now.”
“I knew it,” Kyle said.
“She got a boob job?” the blonde sneered.
“Yeah, what was she before? An A-cup?” the redhead chimed in.
“Double A,” the blonde said. “She looks like an A now.”

Lara hasn’t gotten a boob job, and I never think of her as leaving Victoria’s Secret with a pink box full of AA bras. (They have those at Victoria’s Secret, right?) Still, Lara’s being a size B gets an A+ from hero Clay. And this is a guy who’s been surrounded by D’s and double-Ds since birth.

Is that realistic? Hell, yeah. The idea that size matters for guys is overstated. The ultimate decider is what yanks the crank. And a woman doesn’t need Sofia Vergara pecs to do that. Taylor Swift, Debra Messing and Eva Longoria are living proof.

Here’s more of the same, provided by a guy who calls himself Anonymous Coward, though he was brave enough to post this at a self-proclaimed “lunatic fringe” website called Godlike Productions:

“What the hell does breast size have to do with a woman being sexy and fun to be with? Not a damn thing, thank you. A woman’s worth is not dictated by the size of her breasts. I loves them all, small or large, as long as they are natural. And from my biased and personal observation, the small-breasted beauties tend to have nice derrieres, and other things of interest.”

There’s even more evidence in the preponderance of websites devoted to guys’ lists of whom they consider to be the most bodacious sans-boobies babes. A blog called Oh No They Didn’t mentions Natalie Portman and Olivia Munn. The Black Bell Pepper blog points to Sienna Miller, Katie Holmes and Kristen Stewart.

So, by now you’re no doubt wondering if the Man Writing a Romance has a list. He’s a man, right? So he has a list—just not written down anywhere. If it were written down, the Top Ten would have about fifty names on it*, including everyone already mentioned, plus Claire Danes, Mila Kunis, Zooey Deschanel, Sandra Bullock and Laura Linney.

By the way, those last two, like Ms. Messing, get extra points for being flat-chested and over forty.

Anyway, if you’re ever looking in the mirror and find yourself thinking, “For $3,600 I could look like a woman from a 1980s hair-metal video—should I go ahead and get the implants?” The answer is, “You’ve got to be happy with what you see.”

But if you’re wondering if it’ll also increase the number of fish in the sea who’ll say, “She’s worth a nibble,” I think the answer is “Charlize Theron.”

Or “Milla Jovovich.”

Or “Emma Stone.”

Take your pick. Because, you know what? Lots of guys wouldn’t mind having choices like these.

*Since the ManWAR saw Skyfall, Naomie Harris became No. 51. Even James Bond goes for the ladies with the little ladies.

1 thought on “On top of things”

  1. A day after I published this post, ManWARrior Kathy started a conversation with me on Facebook by saying, “I wish this wasn’t a topic and more focus was placed on the size of the heart underneath. That is where the true sexiness comes from.”

    I answered, “I hope you got the idea that I also wish it wasn't a topic. The point of the post is that women seem to be dissatisfied with their bodies a lot, and that men are the cause of it. But there is evidence to suggest that men are not as focused on certain things as women believe them to be, as evidenced by the large number of women who are considered ‘hot’ even though the size of their breasts isn't what's often considered to be associated with ‘hotness.’ What you say about ‘the heart underneath’ is true. It just wasn't the focus of this post. I limit myself to 700 words. And I always try to be funny.”

    She closed it out with, “LOL I know what you mean! With a 16-year-old teenager the Mom comes out in me when I see posts like this. It was bad enough watching Dances With the Stars and Pamela Anderson was trying to dance. My daughter looked at me and replied, "Is she SERIOUS?" LOL It cracked me up and was happy that she gets it.”

    Me, too.

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