Someone thinks Cameron Diaz needs breast implants. That someone is Elizabeth Halsey, the character Diaz plays in Bad Teacher.

To which I say, “Nooooooo- ooooooooo!”

What’s sad is that there are, no doubt, real women who look like Diaz and have similar thoughts about themselves. Sadder still is the notion that Elizabeth thinks implants will help her score the affections of a very rich, very handsome man.

That’s kind of like saying the Mona Lisa would get more attention if someone painted over it to show some tooth.

News flash: Some guys do, in fact, like big ones. But, believe it or not, some guys don’t. And some guys don’t really care, because they’re less interested in the rack than they are in the woman who comes with it.

Spoiler alert for anyone who’s watched only two movies and thinks Bad Teacher should be No. 3: Cameron—Elizabeth—never gets the breast enlargement because she realizes she looks good the way she is.

Apparently, real-life actress Eva Mendes had a similar epiphany about another body part without going through the drama of the three-act structure. She recently told Access Hollywood: “I used to hate my mouth. My teeth were just big and my mouth was big and when I’d laugh I’d go like this,” she said, covering her face with her hand. “About 15 years ago I started accepting things I disliked about myself growing up.”

So what does any of this have to do with Fast Lane?

I’ve already discussed Lara’s insecurities in Whatchoo lookin’ at, beach? and Define dowdy. She thinks of herself as being nothing special, but when she’s vying with some of the most beautiful women in the world for the affections of a very rich, very powerful, very handsome man, she confronts issues similar to those addressed by the fictional Elizabeth and real-life Eva.

What are Lara’s solutions? Well, they’re in the book. But I think when you get to the last page, you’re going to say, “Yesssssssssssssss.”

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