If he seems too good to be true…

A Marie Clairen blog post pretty much concludes that nice guys should finish last. Deserve to, even.


Well, take this guy named Dave who’s mentioned in the post. He had the audacity to go to a New York subway station to pick up a woman on their first date.

“We were none too pleased with this,” says writer Rich Santos, a guy whose name suggests he’s a saint but whose use of the royal case reveals higher aspirations. “Maybe we are not old-fashioned enough, but we figured if a girl makes it out of the New York subway, she should easily be capable (and independent) enough to walk five blocks to a bar.”

Other problems?

A nice guy might be ruining his chances by being “too easy.” By seeming too much like “a friend.” By creating an impression he’s a “closet psycho.”

Think my paraphrase of that last one is over the top? Here’s the full quote:

“Sometimes people are so nice that it seems like they might have sinister overtones. I always see it on Lifetime movies: the guy comes into the woman’s life and he is just perfect. Then he slowly disintegrates into a psycho freak. Perhaps a guy can come off as so nice in the beginning that he appears to be covering up for something bad.”

So…being openly bad is a good thing? Any kind of bad? Or just a kind a specific woman likes?

I’ve known guys who were “too nice.” One even thought he would look more sophisticated and sensitive by moving certain records to the front of his collection when he thought a woman might see them.

Talk about psycho.

Here’s what I say. If I brought a girl back to my place who thought I was a cretin because I liked the Sex Pistols and The Who, well, then…goodbye.

Marie Claire Dave’s fault isn’t that he’s too nice. It’s that he’s being the wrong kind of nice to a woman who wants something else. That doesn’t make her a bad person. But I don’t think it makes him one, either.

The post appeared a couple of years ago. I hope Dave, like my buddy who put his Supertramp and Steely Dan records up front to impress women, has found a girl who appreciates him for who he is.

On the other hand, a guy who came on like a psycho and slowly disintegrated into a decent person? Now that would be a movie I’d watch on Lifetime.

2 thoughts on “If he seems too good to be true…”

  1. This is what you said about the dilemma that I liked best:

    "It’s that he’s being the wrong kind of nice to a woman who wants something else. That doesn’t make her a bad person. But I don’t think it makes him one, either."

    Actions are dependent upon motivation. I talk too often in terms of "alpha" males and "beta" males. The romance genre uses these terms to explain the characters of male heroes, but most women like a real person who has the courage to be themselves. It is certainly going to be revealed at some point in your interactions anyway.

    I believe this equally applies to women, too. Even the nicest, shyest woman has more depth than she appears to usually.

    Do you remember "Cinderfella" with Jerry Lewis? He always struck me as psycho at the beginning, but usually ended up in a good place at the end of his movies. Just a thought. . .LOL

  2. It's been a long time since I saw a Jerry Lewis movie. I vaguely recall "Cinderfella," but I think you're right…Jerry Lewis specialized in the movie where a guy who looks like a creep turns out to be nice. "The Nutty Professor," for instance. Prof. Kelp is a nerd; Buddy Love is a chick magnet. Also an egotistical snake. In the end, as I recall, Stella Stevens figures out how to deal with the situation. She falls for the bad boy, but loves the nerd.

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